April Thoughts

Today was the last first day of classes for me and I did not have any classes. This is the first semester that I actually have a day off in the middle of the school week. My classes start tomorrow and I can't wait to get through them so that I can walk in May. I just wish I could be like Adam Sandler in Click and just fast forward my way to graduation. No one in the dance dept has any faith in me and they all think I'm not good enough to be a dancer. For this reason, I just want to get my diploma and start over somewhere, anywhere else. I want to prove all of them wrong and I plan on doing so. They can eat their words in a few years.

I wrote this
8/3/04 :

~~Each snowflake has its original design. Compare each snowflake and they will never be identical and after it melts you will never see another one like it again. Dreams are snowflakes, each one is going to be different and you will never dream the same dream again. They fall to the ground and build up into a mound of Snowflake Dreams and that same mound builts not a snowman,butan image of you, who you really are.~~

Here's the update since my last livejournal entry: It was my Mitchel that commited suicide last Wednesday. I know I could have prevented it. I talked to my mother about it this afternoon and she even said that I could have prevented him from killing himself. I just wish I said hi to him like I wanted 2. I wish I was nicer to him last year after he made his little comments. I didn't think he would be the type to do something like this. He did it. I just want to travel back in time to last semester and start over. I don't know what to do. All weekend I've been sleeping. My reasons for it isn't because I'm tired. I don't know, maybe that isn't true. When I'm sleeping I feel exstrememly tired and all I want to do is sleep my life away. I'm going to have to go to dinner in a few minutes and I just wish I could see Mitchel sitting by himself eating at him little table next to the tv's in the dinning hall.

I think I failed another history test today! I hate my life right now.

I woke up this morning in my warm bed, it was 10:20, fourty minutes till my Jazz class started. I got up and got my dance clothes on and headed to class, I tried to make myself as presentable as possible. I didn't bother to take a shower or put on makeup, I was still tired from the seven hours before. No longer torn between two ideas of contemplation. I walked out of my room without a coat and the drizzling rain bit at my skin and the cold wind played with my hair as I walked to Sanders Field House. Dance classes were enjoyably fun as usuall. They're my escape and release of my feelings through my body and movements. My one true love, my passion for life. I gave it my all. Every last ounce of energy I had was for dance and only dance. After dance classes were over I went to the dining hall and got a cup of hot chocolate. It was greatest thing, it was so warm in my hands. It warmed my throat and lined my stomach with chocolate. IT's the feeling that I'm still waiting for a guy to make me feel. I want a guy to make me feel as good as warm laundry,Snuggles, or Oreo Cookies and milk, or even Hot chocolate with marshmellow*April Thoughts. I wish I was a princess and I wish guys would at least treast me like one.

*April THought*
Rain drizzles down,slowly off the roof tops on to the ground. Blue and purple drops drip and make a soft patter noise. I walk out of my dorm in my black hoodie. The purple rain kisses my face along with my clothes, I turn My head is down and I stare at my feet. I walk into the street, Coldness surounds my body and soul along with the sound of silence. I'm alone in my world. ALone Forever.